Self-Love for Valentine’s Day

Why is it so hard to deeply and truly love who we are, flaws, missteps, mistakes and all?

We have been socialized to a degree to focus on what we are doing wrong, the ways we are defective instead of all of the ways we are creative, resourceful and loving beings. 

When was the last time you closed your eyes and gently thought about all of the good things that you embody and all of the beautiful ways you show up in this world? 

One of the hardest thing to do is reconciling our humanity as well as faults to ourselves.

After the passing of a beloved family member, I remember the desolation of feeling that no one will ever love me unconditionally the way she did. Co-existing with unconditional love on this earth plane no longer felt like an option and I felt this small door deep inside of me had closed.

And then, months later, wading through my grief, as I was confronting who I was without her presence in my life, I was overcome with this sensation of deep appreciation for myself. I recognized in that moment that loving myself unconditionally has always been my birthright.

I was stunned into recognition that we are all the embodiment of love that we have been searching for. 

Buddha said “You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”

 Yet, as human beings we seem to require constant reminders of this and how to release ourselves from the need to be perfect. I do not know the origin of this quote, but I truly love it: 

“Self-care is about giving the world the best of you not what is left of you.”

Forgiving oneself is one of the hardest and bravest things we can do but that is ultimately the pathway to self-love.

Returning to the narrative that ‘I am still a good person even though I said this thing or did something that was misguided.’

 Self-compassion begins with reminding ourselves that we are the only ones who can truly forgive ourselves and short-circuit the self-blame circuit.

Research has shown that people who truly thrive in their lives, careers and relationships seem to be the more resilient among us.

They are not engaging in catastrophizing behaviors that so many of us engage in, and have learned to tune out the negative voices the ego loves to trumpet.

As long as we are embodied, we will continue to make mistakes and missteps, but it is the recovery from these mistakes that ultimately defines our strength and our resiliency. 

This valentine’s day I encourage you to take stock of all of the wonderful qualities you represent, of whom you are beloved by, and gift yourself a dose of self-appreciation and love.